A place for family and friends to see what I'm up to. Visitors welcome here.

Hail Guest, we ask not what thou art.
If Friend, we greet thee, hand and heart.
If Stranger, such no longer be.
If Foe, our love will conquer thee.
-Old Welsh Door Verse

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Marshall Davis Jones

This fits my mood.

I will pour these words
into a mason jar built of the shatterproof and the breakable
An hour glass with the sand of infinity and time quickly running out
I will pour my heart here ...
Until I can leave it on the shelf
Forget about it for years

Then one day
My great grandchildren
Can search the attic
Rummage through nostalgia
And old things
That were once new
Stumble upon this jar
And when they ask
What is this?
No one will know
But somehow they will
They will feel
That this is where
My love went
When I knew for sure
It could never belong to you
Things are actually going pretty OK.  Still some financial mysteries to solve, issues that come to smack me from behind and make me fearful to check my email and phone messages.  Still not sure exactly where I'm going to find $12,000 to pay off the equity line that I did not know my husband had spent and is now due June 15.  At worst it will be just another maxed out credit card until I can sell the Utah property, so it's not a disaster.
But I crave the calm of a stable income/outgo.
So I can forget about it.  And focus on the best of my life.
Weary.  And lonesome.
And in a mood.
Don't know where it came from, really.
My uncle and aunt came to visit my mom and I rearranged my day to spend time with them. They were so supportive through my trials this time last spring.  We went to my favorite restaurant for lunch and had a lovely time.  It cheered Mom to spend some time with her brother and his wife.  We have a Disneyland trip planned for next week.  I'm hopeful it works out because I know it will cheer her, too.
Afterward I drove to Fillmore for the Otto & Sons Rose Days and spent some quality time wandering through their 22 acres of roses.  Three of them begged to come home with me and I'm such a pushover.  Anna's Promise, Tuscan Sun and - YES - another Disneyland.
I've been lusting over a large ceramic pot with a gorgeous green glaze at Costco for the last month or so.  I've decided to buy it and plant one of these Disneyland roses in in.  It will sit next to my front door with the gardenia "First Love" (and her heavenly fragrance) and my blued-up hydrangea.  The colors should set each other off and be stunning.
Something to look forward to.
I've decided not to have knee replacement surgery this summer.  The orthopedist said summer 2016 at the latest so I was thinking of getting it out of the way this year.  The problem with my knee is that the cartilage is much thinner on the outside of the joint than the inside, so the joint tilts to the outside.  To stay attached, the femur is bending.  Both knees have arthritis (as does my spine) and will need replacement, but if I don't have the left done before the femur bends too far, the surgeon won't be able to hammer the rod in.  In the meantime, my dog greeted me too enthusiastically fall of 2013 and gifted me with a torn meniscus.  I haven't had that surgery because I figured the knee replacement would take care of that problem, and had decided to have the surgery this summer.
But I just can't.  I've been through too much this year and am pretty desperately in need of a break.  So, I will hobble around this summer and take care of my soul.    Time in my garden or at the sewing machine or with a piece of stitchery in my hand (although it's slow going with my eye not right enough for close work like that.)  I need to spend time with all three books in progress or at least settle into one.  I need trips to wonderful places like the Getty or the Echo Park lotus pond or El Descanso Gardens.  Even just a trip to Corona del Mar and Roger's Gardens with lunch at Andrew Weil's healthy food restaurant.  Time on the beach and near the beach and on the sea.
Feathers.  I need the feathers of sea birds and flat stones and maybe I'll find my first piece of sea glass.
The sea calls.  I had the most wonderful experience on my first whale watch out of Santa Barbara.
Just a splendid day.
A mama and her calf spent an hour pretty much circling our boat.  I managed to catch them blowing at the same time.
The whales were a bonus.  It was just an incredible day.  Perfect weather, perfect people and the beauty of the sea and the sky.  I have to find out what other kinds of cruises they do and get out there again, even though the whale watch season is over.  I think they said they do a sunset cruise in the summer, and wouldn't that be spectacular?
Also had a great trip over Spring Break to Utah.  My sassy red car loved hustling up the 15 at 80 mph.
Right beside my balcony.   This fellow had a beautiful song to greet me every morning.

Sunrise on the mountain.  Fireplace and chocolate.  Perfect way to greet my day.

Clouds never disappoint.

Still enough snow to be beautiful.  Temps were brisk and the wind could be downright cold.
I hope to get back up for at least one longer visit this summer.  The condo needs a good cleaning and I need a long summer escape.
So tired.
I need time.  Time alone to figure myself out.  If I could figure out what I want, I could go for it.  Or at least go for what I can.
I think it's time for that hot air balloon ride.  Maybe facing that fear will break something free.

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