A place for family and friends to see what I'm up to. Visitors welcome here.

Hail Guest, we ask not what thou art.
If Friend, we greet thee, hand and heart.
If Stranger, such no longer be.
If Foe, our love will conquer thee.
-Old Welsh Door Verse

Saturday, April 01, 2017

Adventure in Online Dating.

Week One.
The End.

I finally learned of an online dating service that I thought would be a good fit for my new agey, quantum, law of attraction weirdo selfness.  "This is it!" and to keep it strong, I signed up ($$$) for a whole year.

No creepy guys, and the fellows that connected seemed interesting.


I hated the whole thing.  The puppy-in-the-window feel of the portrait board and the JUDGEMENT element of having to decide "like" or "hide."

I know so many people who are truly happy - ever after happy - with the partners they've found online but I am just not tough enough for the process.

I had a problem with the process.  So I deleted my account.

Maybe part of my problem is that I actually like my aloneness.

For a while, newly single, I thought my perfect guy would be like me.  Gotta love to dance and love Disneyland.  And then I spent some time with someone with those attributes and realized that actually I have been much more intrigued by men who are not like me.  Men who do different things. 

For a while I thought I wanted to connect up with a gardener - like me - but then the light bulb turned on.

Another gardener would, I suspect, want to constantly tell me how to run my garden.


Another part of my problem with the site was that there were so many looking for the "long-term relationship."  Which I interpreted as men who want to be married again.  Which is sweet, I guess.  It's men who have had good marriages, I've read, that are looking for it again.  But I guess I'm still relationship cynical, because I interpreted their desire for ever-after as "taking care of me forever" and I am not interested in that role.  Again.  Ever.

At this point, I like the relationship one of my colleagues has.  Ten years of trips together, meals and conversation (and, I assume, the regular overnight.)  But they maintain separate homes and enjoy plenty of independent time.

Which, right now, I live for.

I admit, it would be nice to have someone to connect with by text frequently.  It's been years but I still miss holding hands and sitting shoulder to shoulder.  Eyes meeting over a private joke, or the raised eyebrow over a shared incredulity.

I just don't miss it enough to participate in something that twisted my gut with its underlying sadness.

1 comment:

Joy Kirr said...

I read this poem today, by JonArno Lawson (from a YA book - THINK AGAIN)...

"The Heart"
Make sure that your heart
Isn't too well defended:
Your heart is designed
To be broken and mended.

I don't know if this speaks to you, but I give you kudos for trying new ways to meet people! I have a friend who keeps her eyes open at EdCamps... ;)