It's just too important!

I loved this.

If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates, you're a "token hire."

If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates, you're a "game changer."

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Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis."

White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."

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If you grow up in Hawaii, you're "exotic."

Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the "quintessential American story."

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If you name your kid Barack, you're "unpatriotic."

Name your kid Track, you're "colorful."

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If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual, you're "reckless."

A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a "maverick."

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If you spend three years as a community organizer growing your organization from a staff of 1 to a staff of 13 and your budget from $70,000 to $400,000, then become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new African-American voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, then spend nearly eight more years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, becoming chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, then spend four years in the United States Senate representing a state of nearly 13 million people, sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you are woefully inexperienced.

If you spend four years on the city council and six years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, then spend 20 months as the governor of a state with 650,000 people, then you've got the most executive experience of anyone on either ticket, are the Commander in Chief of the Alaska military and are well qualified to lead the nation should you be called upon to do so because your state is the closest state to Russia.

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If you are a popular Democratic male candidate, you are an "arrogant celebrity."

If you are a popular Republican female candidate, you are "energizing the base."

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If you are a younger male candidate who thinks for himself and makes his own decisions, you are "presumptuous."

If you are an older male candidate who makes last-minute decisions you refuse to explain, you are a "shoot from the hip" maverick.

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If you manage a multi-million dollar nationwide campaign, you are an "empty suit."

If you are a part-time mayor of a town of 7,000 people, you are an "experienced executive."

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If you go to a South Side Chicago church, your beliefs are "extremist."

If you believe in creationism and don't believe global warming is man-made, you are "strongly principled."

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If you cheated on your disfigured wife and left her to marry a rich young heiress, you're a Christian.

If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years and are raising two beautiful daughters, you're "risky."

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If you're a black single mother of four who waits for 22 hours after her water breaks to seek medical attention, you're an irresponsible parent, endangering the life of your unborn child.

If you're a white married mother of four who waits 22 hours after her water breaks to seek medical attention, you're spunky.

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If you kill an endangered species, you're an excellent hunter.

If you have an abortion, you're a murderer

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If you teach abstinence only in sex education, you get teen parents.

If you teach responsible age-appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you're eroding the fiber of society.