A place for family and friends to see what I'm up to. Visitors welcome here.

Hail Guest, we ask not what thou art.
If Friend, we greet thee, hand and heart.
If Stranger, such no longer be.
If Foe, our love will conquer thee.
-Old Welsh Door Verse

Sunday, February 17, 2013


Going to bed.

So, I'm having a little anxiety attack.  Nothing major.  Not going to pass out about it or anything.

Like I did last fall.


In front of my history class.  Of thirty-five, 13-year olds.  One of whom was a junior lifeguard who - according to the other students - FLEW over the desks to me when I went down.  They gave him full credit for keeping them calm.  I came to a couple of times - coherent enough to give him simple directions - but until the principal got there he kept things in order.

And told me later that he was crying the whole time.

When I finally came to for real it was in time to watch the crew from the firestation down the block come in.  This crew included an old friend from my boys' Pony baseball days, and we had a nice chat about the kids.

I then had my first ever trip to the emergency room and almost every test known to medicine to determine why I had passed out.  Since all tests declared me "fine," the ER doctor declared the cause vaso-vagal syncope (fainting) and sent me home.

I didn't have one of these..

 ... or one of these, which would have made the experience more comfortable than crumpling to the ground and hitting my head on the overhead projector stored on the floor in the corner.

Nor did I have one of these, which certainly would have made the experience more, um, interesting and enjoyable, I'm sure. 

Little known fact:  when you pass out and are taken to the ER, the ER is required by CA state law to report said incident to the Department of Motor Vehicles.  Which will, according to my internist, insist on neurological testing to make sure you aren't prone to seizures.  It seems that the hospital left one test out of the line-up that day.  The one that "proves" I did, actually, just faint.

Because I had extensive heart testing a few years ago (another over-reaction by my internist that cost me hours and hours of testing to receive just a three-word report: everything looks fine) the neurologist wants me to have this test in the cardiologist's office.  Just in case.

Anyway, it's called a "tilt-table" test.  I get to be strapped to a table with an IV, EKG and blood pressure monitor.  I get tilted, eventually standing for 45 minutes (which will send my knees, back and hips into a screaming fit).  If I faint, I get a positive and the DMV leaves me alone.

I have fainted like this - in fact, I recognized it coming on - one other time - 33 years ago.  I went to an idiot doctor who not only didn't tell me what had happened, he also didn't tell me what to do if it happened again.

At least I got that piece of advice from the ER physician.

Lay down flat.

Could have saved me a WHOLE lot of inconvenience, since I did feel this coming on for about five minutes.  The students would have been a lot less traumatized by me stretching out for a little break.

This is just one thing causing me stress right now.  Relationship issues of all kinds - positive and negative - rank up there pretty high.   Work issues.  I'm even stressing over the fun stuff I want to do but don't seem to be able to make myself put my hands on.

Anyway, what I really want to do to get past this is eat.  The house.  And there is a half-bag of chocolate chips calling my name.

First I decided to let the boys sing me through it.

"Fix You," Straight No Chaser.  Because I relate it to a relationship issue, though, it didn't really help.

So I tried my other boys.

I love this song so much.  "We Belong," Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles.

But music is air, not chocolate.  So I came here to write.  I do feel better.  But my willpower is at low ebb, so I guess I'll escape in dental floss.  I really hate dental floss and once I go through that torture I am less likely to sully the effort with food.

Even chocolate.

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